This past week in California, a beloved friend’s granddaughter died. She was the victim of an automobile accident two days before Christmas. Devastated doesn’t begin to describe her parents and “mom-mom.”

 

Words miss the mark by light-years in any attempt at soothing the sense of gut-wrenching despair and loss people feel when a loved one dies, especially a beloved child.

 

And, make no mistake; “mom-mom” loved her granddaughter more than life itself. I can’t begin… I don’t even want to think about the despair she must feel.

 

I didn’t know the victim or her parents well because I had only spoken to them a couple of times over the past ten-years. However, I’ve known “mom-mom” for thirty-five years.

 

At one point, we were professional colleagues. However, we’ve always been close friends. Our closeness and her overwhelming grief have elevated my feelings in this tragedy from clinical to personal in a way I could never have imagined.

 

I’d give anything to be there right now, but it’s physically impossible. I’d follow the advice of a grief counselor I know. I’d tell her to hold on to me for dear life and that, no matter how bad it becomes, we’re going to get through it together.

 

It’s very difficult to do, but sometimes the only thing we can do at these times is to hold our grief-stricken friends tightly, keep quiet, and help them to cry.

 

We read about these kinds of automobile accidents on a regular basis. They are particularly troubling when multiple-teen deaths result, especially in the course of a single accident.

 

I went through the teenage driving nightmare a long time ago. Having done this, I do not envy parents of teens about to enter the wonderful world of teenage driving rates and the nightmares that await them as their kids take to the roads.

 

Three times, I’ve driven anxious parents to various emergency rooms and trauma centers only to witness their utter desolation upon learning that their children had died.

 

The cause… sometimes it’s speed. At other times it’s alcohol and/or drugs. “Carelessness” is a favorite culprit. Inattentive driving is another of the favorites. Mostly, though, the cause is a multiplicity of things.

 

But, in all cases involving youth, especially teenage drivers, the underlying sponsor of such tragic accidents is a thing called INEXPERIENCE.

 

Nevertheless, we grownups delve into that all-too-familiar period during which we DEMAND that the STATE raise the minimum driving age, as well as a litany of other measures aimed at… well, I’m not sure.

 

Politicians come out of the woodwork vowing to introduce revolutionary new legislation that will “prevent, or greatly reduce the likelihood” of this from happening again. Utterances of “no other family should have to go through this,” echo throughout the region.

 

Of course, no amount of legislation will ever prevent teenage drivers from having automobile accidents. And, despite our best efforts, other families will go through “this,” because some of those teenagers are going to die. Here’s why.

 

Like it or not, one of the most critical aspects of teenagers’ maturation is “learning by doing.” Driving is a skill. Aside from the rules part of it, we have to drive in order to become proficient at doing it.

 

Some age-based prohibitions simply prevent adolescents from learning adult behaviors in adult settings. Yes, we’d probably see a drop in the death rate of teen drivers between the ages of 16 and 17.

 

However, we’d see an increase in those rates for drivers in the 18 to 20-year-old set. In other words, it would NOT be a matter of saving lives, but simply one of postponing deaths.

 

I’m a father. I love my children. Even though they are grown and out of the house, the primal urge to protect them still surges through my veins.

 

It was far more intense when they were younger. And, I had to exercise prodigious self-control when they began driving at the age of sixteen years.

 

BUT, all of us have to accept the fact that we cannot protect our children at all times from all things. Likewise, we must also come to understand that perpetual quests to do so, at all costs, could well smother them.

 

As my urges to drive a car began in earnest (around the age of 12-years), I was convinced that 14-years old was quite an acceptable level of maturity for driving automobiles. My father thought otherwise!

 

At the time, I was convinced that he was quite old—almost dead, in fact—and completely out of touch with reality. But, many years later, something life changing happened to revise my opinion.

 

My own teenagers reached driving age. That’s what happened! Suddenly, I found myself petitioning my state representatives to introduce legislation to raise the minimum driving age to around FORTY.

 

The thought of my teenagers and all of the other ones driving 2-ton lethal weapons began haunting me… day and night. Yes, it scared me… well, IT and the amount of money the auto insurance industry was about to charge me in teen-driving insurance rates. Talk about insomnia.

 

Well, I managed to get through it without losing my sanity. Whenever I look back on those years, I do so with the calm retrospect that comes with having survived a fearful experience… a bit like a temporary diminished fear of flying once your plane has successfully landed!

 

Some activities are dangerous in their very nature. Driving is one of them. People die as the result of some automobile accidents. A number of them are teenagers.

 

It isn’t going to change, either, until we find a way to remove the human element from the mechanics of driving. Even if we accomplish this feat, it isn’t going to provide an ironclad guarantee.

 

There are ways to reduce the number of teenage deaths from driving. I’m all for them, too.

 

We could restrict teen drivers to a longer supervisory period of around 18-months. They may drive, but only with a qualified adult—say… 21 or older.

 

There are others, as well. As long as the restrictions do not postpone the “leaning by doing” process, they should do more good than harm.

 

We are suckers for fear mongering. We take myth making as fact and use it to develop all kinds of repressive policies regarding adolescent behavior.

 

But, good, even GREAT, intentions notwithstanding, it does nothing more than give us a sense of false security and the illusion that we’re doing something about it… whatever IT is.

 

All that it really does, though, is interfere and postpone improvements that our kids have to do ON THEIR OWN… by doing.

 

People, well-meaning and sincere people, want to prevent teen drivers from killing themselves in car accidents. I don’t question the goodness of their motives for one second.

 

But, I’ve come to question their logic. Unconsciously, of course, many of them—I was one of them—seem bent on saving our adolescents though a perpetual attempt at abolishing adolescence.

 

Joe Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. You may comment on his column by clicking here.