As a change of pace, occasionally I like to share some of the tidbits I receive via email, phone calls, snail mail, and text messages. Some of it is nothing buy BS, and much of it is trivia at best. Some of it is funny to say the least.

 

I’ve included a SMALL fraction of what I receive over the course of about a month. I’ve left the original stuff in my regular font and added my comments in Verdana 10-point BOLD italics. I hope you enjoy it.

 

Scientists have mapped only 5 percent of the ocean floor in as much detail as the surface of Mars.

 

            Go figure! How soon you figure on us getting to Mars? And, once there, what are we going to do? If the effort to get there was worth it, McDonalds AND Wal-Mart would already be there.

 

The United States has five percent of the world's population, but twenty-five percent of the world's prison population.

 

            And, to boot, our prison system is the largest provider of mental health services, what with close to 17% of the inmates certified loonies. Perhaps we’re approaching things from an erroneous perspective. Ya think?

 

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

 

            This is a no-brainer, actually. Comic strips are printed communication. We not only read from left to right, all of our linear logic begins in that direction, too.

 

The leading cause of on-the-job deaths in workplaces in the United States is homicide.

 

            Americans seem to be the crankiest of the world’s cranky. As a social structure, we seem to be a lot touchier about people making us look silly than proving us wrong.

 

New Jersey, unbelievably, is famous for growing… EGGPLANT!

 

            I know. I know. You probably thought it was Mafia associations, hit men, toxic wastes, and cement shoes.

 

            I did, too. But it’s not. Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant grows in NEW JERSEY!

 

Since forty-one percent of Chinese people eat at least once a week at a fast food restaurant, but only thirty-five percent of Americans do, why don’t we see more of THEM walking around with guts hanging down to their kneecaps?

 

        Two primary reasons, really, and both apply PRIMARILY to those Chinese who can actually afford to eat OUT.

 

First, they don’t sell a lot of junk food in their fast food restaurants. And, second, most of the Chinese have to WALK or ride their bikes—if they can afford them—to and from those restaurants.

 

Seven percent of Americans claim they never bathe at all.

 

            But—and this is just my personal opinion—many Americans lie through their teeth. So, that number is probably much higher!

 

More people study English in China than speak it in the United States of America (currently about 300 million).

 

            There is a good reason for this, in my opinion.

 

            English is the most versatile language in the world. Because of its huge vocabulary and syntactical rules, it is the most expediently expressible language EVER DEVELOPED.

 

            It is well beyond my understanding why so many people in this country seem obsessed with making it our “official” language. It’s already the language of choice throughout the rest of the world. It’s not one of the three official languages of the Olympics for nothing, ya know.

 

            I suspect, however, that most of those demanding our Congress declare it our “official” language are the same people who spend a great deal more money on their possum-hunting skills (that’s opossum for us Yankee-ass city slickers) than they do on their dental care.

 

On average, people can hold their breath for about one minute. The world record is 15 minutes 2 seconds.

 

            I’m suspicious of this, though. Let’s just say that SOME politicians seem capable of holding their breath much longer than this.

 

            I’m old enough to remember some of our most windbagish politicians. I once walked in on Hubert Humphrey during one of his “impromptu” talks.

 

            He was in the second hour of a 5-minute press statement and NOBODY there could recall his having taken a breath.

 

Oslo, Norway is the world's most expensive city. A gallon of gas costs almost $5, and it costs $1.32 to use the public restrooms.

 

            But, I’ve been there a number of times and the women are worth every penny of it! Especially Olga. In fact, for the record, I want you readers to know that I would not consider EVEN a fatal heart attack too high a price to pay.

 

One out of five people in the world (1.1 billion people) live on less than $1 per day.

 

            This, as sad as it sounds, is true. And, at the rate we’re letting our politicians get away with all the crap, most of these will soon be Americans.

 

The average chocolate bar has eight insect legs in it.

 

            Well, yes! Where do you think all the protein content comes from? DUH.

 

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

 

            If this is true, it’s NOTHING worth bragging about according to a trusted long-time friend of mine. He raucously tells all who are willing to listen that he’s been married to his wife for over 60-years, and they stopped NEEDING their furnace for heat altogether… 20-YEARS AGO—even in the coldest of winters.

 

Mel Blanc, who played the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.

 

            I’ve never heard of anyone being allergic to carrots. But Mel Blanc was one of the most talented voice-overs we’ve ever had, not to mention his ability as a cartoonist. So, if he said he was allergic to carrots, he was allergic to them, PERIOD.

 

            On the other hand, there seems to be a growing proliferation of websites providing us with useless information. And, the worst of the lot is “E!.”

 

            These folks deliver the most inane, meaningless garbage as though the very survival of the human race depends on all of us hearing about it.

 

            That the channel even exists should be socially sobering to say the least.

 

            Its existence has convinced me that outside forces will never destroy this country. We’re a cinch for doing it all by ourselves.

 

            Let me tell you, most sincerely, that old age has precious few advantages—none that I can actually recall—but when I see what we’re doing to ourselves, I’m glad that I’m much closer to the end than the beginning.

 

But, hey; it’s just MY opinion. Yours may well differ significantly. So, whatever the case, have a great week.

 

Joe Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. You may comment on his column by clicking here.