As best I can recall, it happened last Thursday. My memory’s still a bit hazy because everything happened so FAST. I was DEFINITELY in Burger King. I’m positive about this because I always go there following a bad experience at Wendy’s—renews my appreciation for Wendy’s, it DOES!

 

I can’t swear to the time; it was beyond the lunch-hour crush yet still quite crowded. In fact, there were no open booths and only a few empty tables.

 

A young mother (about 30) and her two children (a boy named Zack and a girl named Emily) sat at the table next to mine. Mommy seemed pensive about something. But, Emily wasn’t.

 

She was busy explaining to an elderly woman seated one table over—in great detail, mind you—that she was in FIRST grade but had the day off because of some teacher meetings.

 

Also, according to Emily, her little brother, Zack, was ONLY 4-years old and goes to pre-school, but ONLY in the morning.

 

The children were well behaved. Emily, in addition to being as cute as it gets, was outgoing, precocious, and a veritable fountain of information. And, it didn’t take a lot of probing to get her to share it, either.

 

I don’t know about 4-year-old Zack. He wasn’t saying much. I’m not sure if it was because he’s naturally a “man of few words,” or simply because he was too busing inhaling his French fries.

 

Whatever was on mom’s mind, she perked up a bit as soon as a man came in and joined them. He was daddy. No, I’m not a mind reader; Emily gave it away, not to mention the fact that Zack stopped chewing long enough to give him a hug.

 

“How’d your mother’s doctor appoint go this morning?” he asked his wife. From the look on her face, he had to know that not all was well. But she didn’t get the chance to answer him, at least not immediately.

 

At this point, two things are critical for you to know. First, it seems that Emily had ALREADY spoken to her mom-mom by phone just before leaving for Burger King, whereupon mom-mom had explained to Emily, in so many words, what the doctor had told her.

 

And second, if YOU are a grandparent and YOU do NOT want your sweet, highly intelligent, little granddaughter to tell perfect strangers in the middle of a crowded restaurant what’s wrong with you, for God’s sake, just tell the child you’re going to be fine.

 

But, Emily’s mom-mom did NOT follow this advice. And, as soon as Emily heard her daddy ask mommy about mom-mom’s doctor appointment, her head snapped to the left as her 7-year old beautiful blue eyes fixated on her daddy’s face.

 

The child’s words brought EVERY person, within an earshot radius of about 8-tables of her own, to an abrupt, STUNNED silence. Grown-ups, of all ages and levels of attained wisdom, gaped in open-mouth astonishment as Emily, a mere 7-year-old, described her mom-mom’s medical diagnosis.

 

With an air of seasoned professional empathy, in a perfectly resolute and calm demeanor, and with the complete diagnostic assuredness of a highly experienced physician, Emily said, “Daddy, mom-mom’s doctor told her that she has a cute vagina.”

 

As daddy QUICKLY looked down and slightly away from his daughter, I swear I saw a dot of blood, the apparent result of him biting his lower lip to keep from laughing. Mommy immediately SPRUNG to full life.

 

At the surrounding tables, you could see people’s faces become all bubbly-eyed as they tried valiantly—SOME unsuccessfully—NOT to laugh or spew the contents of their mouths all over the place.

 

I had to turn away so Emily couldn’t see me. I could no longer hold it in. My sides were aching and I could hardly breathe as my body surrendered to uncontrollable fits of silent laughter.

 

Mommy, quick thinking and no longer pensive, smiled and calmly said; “Are you sure, sweetheart? I thought the doctor told mom mom that she had acute angina.”

 

Anyway, mommy explained it all to Emily and everything ended well. Plus the rest of us experienced one of those exhilarating, but all too rare, honest-to-goodness belly laughs.

 

And, as has often been the case, my planned topic for this week’s BLOG topic changed in an instant! It also served to reinforce something I’ve written about several times: children, especially the young ones, HEAR what they UNDERSTAND, which is often DIFFERENT from what we well-meaning adults actually say.

 

Emily’s precociousness, for instance, struck me as that of a physicist in the making, probably already in the process of formulating THE unification theory that eluded Einstein his entire life!

 

For such a child, knowing ALL her body parts by their anatomically correct names is a cakewalk. Mommy probably had THAT talk with her back when she was around THREE! But, of course, I’m just assuming.

 

It also explains why little Jeremy Rhodes thinks the Blessed Mother is full of grapes. “Hail Mary, full of grapes…,” he prays. He’s NO dummy! He knows what grapes are and he’s been full of them a few times, himself.

 

Grace, however, at least to him, is one of his classmates and, even worse, a GIRL.

 

As well, it explains why many years ago, TV and radio personality, Charles Osgood wrote about a 6-year-old’s recital of the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag.

 

“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for Richard Stands…”

 

I even have my own treasure-trove of verbal misinterpretations. When I was six years old, for example, my father took me to 11:30 AM mass every Sunday.

 

At the end of the mass, the congregation would sing a hymn in honor of the Blessed Mother. And, by God, I ALWAYS sang along.

 

My version always began with, “Oh Mary can see without seein.” But, the ACTUAL words were, “Oh Mary, conceived without sin.”

 

Oh, I KNEW about “sin.” Catholics learn from early ages that they’re nothing buy unworthy sinning scum. But, at the age of six years! CONCEIVED! Who knew?

 

OK! I REALLY have to get downstairs. Jacob, my best buddy in the world, just came in and he’s quite upset. It seems that his mommy’s electric girdle broke last night and she can’t make him any pancakes.

 

Joe Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. You may comment on his column by clicking here.